From Now, Until Forever
by theglamourfades
Summary: A ficlet for each episode - revealing a little more of what happened between Anna and Bates each step of the way, through the good and the bad.
1. Tears on the Pillow

**A/N: So, during my annual rewatch of Downton this year, I somehow thought to myself "what if I wrote a ficlet for every episode of DA, expanding on what we saw?" And so the challenge was set.**

**This will probably take some time to complete (some wounds are a little too fresh) but I'm determined to do it.**

**Disclaimer: Downton Abbey belongs to Julian Fellowes/Carnival/ITV, not me.**

_Tears on the Pillow_

The small room was silent, the hour late – or far too early. All too soon she would need to stretch out her tired limbs, rise for a day that would be much like the thousands that preceded it. Her days had never been the same since a month or so ago, new conversations and manners that brought forth curiosity, a sense of calm as well as excitement, and distinctive smiles that had never before fit her lips most of all.

Anna buried her face into the pillow, hoping it would be enough to muffle the sobs that were increasing. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried. It was most likely when she had mistakenly stained one of the girls' dresses beyond repair, but that was some years ago now. Her eyes stung and her throat ached and she wanted to tell herself to stop being so silly. Yet she simply wasn't able.

She couldn't bear unfairness, and it was ever so unfair that Mr Bates would have to go. It surprised her the way people had acted around him, the doubt in his abilities and looks full of pity. From what she could see he did his job perfectly well. He was eager and diligent, he could stitch just as finely as any maid which was a skill she knew took some time to master. Surely the way he was always immaculately turned out spoke about his eye for detail.

He was a gentleman too, that much she knew. A few times he had stopped as they had both made for the exit to the hall at the same time, hooking his cane on his arm to hold the door open for her, and he waited to let the women sit down at the table first. She liked that. His eyes held a certain mystery that fascinated her but they were always kind whenever he looked at her. His smiles were few – and she certainly didn't blame him - but when they came, like a ray of longed-for sun on a winter's day, they were enough everything seem easier. They held a promise, and Anna longed to know what it was.

Perhaps one more could be coaxed from him, a sorrowful one as he bid goodbye to Lord Grantham. A leaving present that she would hold dear in her mind. He had managed to smile for her and even comfort her, when she was the one who should have been offering more to him. His dignity moved her deeply, and she still felt the catch of her breath in her throat as time had seemed to stand still between them both. How she wished it would have.

Anna wiped the trickle of tears from her eyes onto the pillow's edge. Maybe she would learn from his example in time, but for this one night she let them flow.

She would not have expected to smile the next day, yet from the moment he stepped back into the servants' hall and announced he wouldn't be leaving after all, it stayed with her for every second.


	2. Daydreaming and Dancing

_Daydreaming and Dancing_

Daisy was often the source of amusement in the servants' hall, for an innocent but ill-thought remark she made, but this evening provided something quite different. Smiles were on every face and rhythmic clapping accompanied William's jaunty piano playing, the young girl being whirled around the floor in the arms of Thomas who was more than pleased to get a chance to display his hidden prowess. Anna thoroughly enjoyed the joyous mood that had been created by the impromptu spectacle, laughter leaving her in bursts. For all the bickering and gossiping that took place in the communal area, increasing with the arrival of the new heir, it was lovely to be reminded that they could all be united in such happy moments – even if they were fleeting. They were like a family after all, and families would have their fights and harmonies; it was the natural way.

It brought to mind the village dances that they would occasionally get the opportunity to go to, which she always anticipated. She knew she wasn't the best dancer, but she loved to do it all the same. Dancing made her feel free. She had never got the chance to do the Grizzly Bear – it seemed rather risqué for the events that were carefully chaperoned – but Anna thought that it looked rather fun, and she would like to give it a try. Not with Thomas, though he was very proficient. She wasn't as surprised as she should have been that another partner came immediately to her mind. Anna felt sad that it would only remain a daydream.

They had talked as they sat fairly close at the table, something that was happening more often now. She smiled in wonder when Mr Bates informed her that he did indeed take part in dancing in his younger days, and tried to keep her blushes at bay when she imagined what a younger version of him looked like. She couldn't quite bring an accurate picture to mind, and she supposed it was because she liked him perfectly the way he was now. Just a few words had proved fuel for her fantasies. Perhaps they might try a slower dance. A small shiver invaded her as she thought of his hand upon her waist, hers on his shoulder, guiding them as they surrendered to the music.

"I imagine you would do very well. You have…the stature for it."

Mr Bates's cheeks flushed a little red, shifting the book in his hands. The sight made Anna's heart flutter.

"Perhaps you'll see for yourself one day, Mr Bates," she quipped, gathering her pencil and paper from the table and offering him a smile over her shoulder.

"Perhaps I will."


	3. Making a Stand

_Making a Stand_

John couldn't help but be impressed as he passed through the hall, quickly discerning what the scene was about. In the division there stood Gwen, her shoulders trembling as she faced Mrs Hughes, and Anna, whose stance was straighter. She didn't have to say much in defence, but what she did say was sure, strong and full of conviction. If he had come upon the commotion earlier he would have made the move to intervene, but he was glad that he hadn't. He surely wouldn't have kept as clear a head and as careful a tongue as the head housemaid.

From the months they had spent in each other's company, he had come to know that she had many commendable qualities. For such a young woman, she was wise beyond her years. He hadn't needed long to observe her at work to know that her ethic was held up as a shining example to the rest of the staff, and she hardly stopped from dawn to dusk. He was honoured that when she did get chance for a break she seemed to want to spend it talking with him. She was discreet with her questioning, but he never minded answering them. Her careful glances over his shoulder at the latest book he had loaned from the library were welcomed, and they would have many thought-provoking conversations about literature and the philosophy that arose from it. She may have been modest, but John knew that intelligence didn't come from having a grand education.

And now it was evident to him that she had spark too. A fire in her stomach that was tempered with grace and a respect for her superiors. Women with confidence had been his downfall in life. He winced inwardly thinking of how the trait had soured into something bitter and poisonous in Vera, no thanks in part to him. She had turned to leave on Mrs Hughes's instruction and it was not lost how beautiful she appeared, burning brightly around the edges.

He had stopped her by the stairs once everyone had dispersed back to their duties. "It was very admirable, what you did. Not many people would be as brave."

"I had to say my piece. Whatever people might think, we're all each other has got here." Her features softened as she took a breath, straightening again on the step. "I would do the same for any of my friends."

Something within him slumped but he gave her a smile, privileged to be included in that group.

Leaving the house for his trip to Leeds, he hoped that this device would work, so that he could stand proudly next to her fine example.


	4. A First Time for Everything

_A First Time for Everything_

Anna shifted amongst the covers, pulling them away as she suddenly felt quite warm. Mrs Hughes had been right to send her to bed earlier in the day; a few sneezes had escalated into something worse than she had imagined. It was one of those things, nothing too significant. As the evening had worn on she got increasingly lethargic, so much so that she couldn't drag herself downstairs for a bit of hastily prepared supper.

She wouldn't mourn and feel sorry for herself about it, but the timing did seem unfortunate. Seeing the fair being set up in the village had been exciting and she had been glad of Gwen's suggestion for them all to go along. Of course, she'd seen most of it before but that didn't mean the novelty had been lost. The prospect of witnessing it through fresh eyes gave a new thrill. She had been looking forward to seeing what Mr Bates would have made of it all. It wasn't likely to be as grand as anything he had seen in London, but she hoped he would enjoy it all the same. She had come to know that he didn't give much away yet the way he had smiled to himself had given her hope. Perhaps she should have given Gwen the chance – as it was her idea – but it seemed natural that she should have been Mr Bates's guide to the attractions. He would have been good at the coconut throw, she thought. She wondered how the colour of his eyes might appear against the glow of the fire and lights.

It might have turned out for the best. Her feelings had been growing every day, and she hadn't been able to put a stop to them. While the others were distracted she might have tried something foolish, like slipping her arm into his for the briefest second. Mr Bates was unfailingly polite but he gave no sign that he returned her affections. There was no reason for him to.

Her thoughts drifted with the flicker of the candlelight. She hoped that Mrs Hughes was enjoying her night away from the house. Her eyes began to droop and blur the page, her stomach grumbled that it was empty.

It was the soft yet insistent knock that saved her from nodding off, though hearing his voice she wondered whether she wasn't already in a dream.

When she opened the door she happened upon a sight that was greater than anything she would have been likely to see at the fair, and suddenly she felt more alive than she ever had.


	5. The Words That Go Unspoken

_The Words That Go Unspoken_

Midnight was early for him, though he knew he needed to try harder to get into a routine that would suit his still relatively new lifestyle. John stared at the ceiling as he remained wide awake in his room. His various troubles were what kept him up past all reasonable hours for years; how he would find and maintain good employment, how he could continue to rebuild his life to resemble something he could be proud of.

Not in a million years would he have believed that the question of love – again – would occupy his every waking thought. But she was showing him that anything was possible.

And yet all that he wanted so desperately with every fibre of his being was surely impossible outside of his mind. He willed himself to stop thinking about her – every inch the finest lady he had never been able to fully imagine until now – and the words she had spoken courageously from her heart that was so pure and apparently completely open to him. He still had trouble fathoming how she could feel such things for him. It had been as easy as breathing in and out for him to fall in love with her. So effortless that apparently he was not aware of it until now.

You couldn't make someone not love you. He'd said it himself to young William not too long ago, as the lad had grieved over his own troubles. He would need to try his damnedest, though the idea shattered him. He could see her now, raising her head to look at him, the breath leaving her body slowly as he strived not to trample too hard on her dreams. _I don't love you, Anna_. She was everything he wasn't. Young, brave, whole, free to give her love as she wished. Her mistake there had been unfortunate, but it was not too late, not like it was for him. She could find happiness elsewhere, with someone who was truly worthy of her goodness. He hadn't been able to save himself before it was too late, but he could save her. This he could do, and he would. He just needed to find the nerve, and to somehow not think of her beautiful face, eyes filled with tears of anguish rather than hopeful emotion.

It was no use, just as sleeping that night appeared futile. He loved her, maybe more than she loved him. Saying it would condemn her so he would keep it to himself, and hope to God that she knew how much, and that she would forgive him his weakness.

His confession allowed rest to come. Closing his eyes, he dreamt for the first time in a long while, endless dreams of a woman with golden hair and a heart to match.


	6. Another World

_Another World_

The courtyard had become their meeting place. In the warmer months it was nice to have a change of scenery accompanying their talks, and the winter winds did not deter them spending a few moments at a time there. Though they did not have anything to hide in being together, the relative privacy was a welcome comfort. Now that Thomas and Miss O'Brien seemed intent on not allowing him a moment's peace, the space became more valuable than ever.

The quiet of the night didn't help his crowded mind, but that was his own fault. John found himself staring into the dark, trying to think about boot polish supplies and when his Lordship's shirts would need to be laundered. Everything he could conjure led back to his uncertain fate. He thought of Anna, sitting next to him with her reassurances that it would all come to nothing. The loss of his reassembled reputation would be a regretful cross to bear, but he couldn't have pretended for much longer that it wouldn't catch up with him. It was letting people down that was the hardest thing. People he respected, people he wished to emulate. One person who had captured his heart.

He craved a cigarette but thought twice about taking one from his pocket, knowing that she would follow him out once she had finished her mending. She told him that she couldn't abide the smell, wrinkling her button nose. It was more than enough motivation. Sure enough she emerged, her frill and apron brightening up the black. Her faith was unshakeable. Nobody had believed in him so fervently before other than his mother, and he had only just managed to paper over the cracks there. She would tell the whole world of his innocence, and through his dejection he managed a smile at her determination. Even if nobody listened she would find him hanging on her every word, following her to the ends of the earth if he was able.

Comfortable silence surrounded them, then Anna talked about this and that to distract him. A chill rose in the air and she rubbed her arms briskly. He longed to be able to take her into his own. This world may have been another one to them for a little while each day, but it wasn't quite far away enough to banish consequences.

His eyes followed her as she stood first, beckoning him with a touch that went unfelt.

"Come on then. We can't have Tweedledum and Tweedledee twiddling their thumbs for too long."

Their laughter was quickly swallowed by the night, and the warmth of her smile softened the blow of his reality once more.


	7. Not Giving Up

_Not Giving Up_

As Mrs Patmore dozed on the seat opposite, worn out from a week's worth of worry, Anna stared out of the window as the city scenes of London faded back into the countryside headed towards Yorkshire. Home. Her feet had barely touched the ground since going up for the season, and this trip had been quite the adventure.

Once she knew she would be going, her intentions were clear. She just wouldn't have it that he was a petty thief, especially when the story did not add up, and if he was willing to stand in front of the firing line then she had to be the one to disarm the ammunition. He likely wouldn't approve, but a few weeks of his sulking could be coped with – unlike the prospect of having to live without him. Just these days had been unbearable; she had missed him so very much.

Spending time with his mother had eased some of the pain, and gave her the answers she was sure of all along. An hour in her company had turned up more than two years worth of knowing Mr Bates, and she listened happily to the fond stories of his childhood, one or two that she had already heard, to her surprise. Anna found the same kindness that she knew so well in the face of Mrs Bates, the older woman suggesting she should stay for another cup of tea. She thought of her now, hoping that she wouldn't be lonely. In time, when things were sorted, perhaps she would be able to return for another visit with Mr Bates. He would kiss her chastely on the doorstep before they went in, but his mother would read the blush upon both of their faces, telling her all.

They would be together.

She shook her head, looking out to see that the train was pulling into the station.

When she was back she would go to Lord Grantham with what she knew, and it would be a start.

* * *

><p>The afternoon was sunny, and some of them rushed to and fro while others reclined, enjoying the party that had still gone ahead despite the shadows, both inside and outside the house. Leaning a little on his cane, John thought of the letter that had arrived for him this morning, smiling at the familiar handwriting.<p>

There was nothing much to tell since their last correspondence, her life still went on from day to day and she continued to be glad of the fact. Except for one afternoon, when she'd had a visit from a lovely young woman from Yorkshire. Before he could calculate the dates in his head, he knew that it wasn't a coincidence. He wasn't surprised, and found himself delighted that his mother had been able to meet her. He only wished he would have been there to see it himself, and luxuriate in the love he surely would have felt when he was stuck contending so much suspicion.

Bitterness lifted from his head as he recalled his mother's words.

_So this is your Anna, then. She's everything I imagined from your letters, and much more besides. Pretty lass, and with a clever head on her shoulders. She saw the good in you, so she knows right. The smile in her eyes whenever I mentioned your name was something to behold. I like her very much indeed and I should like to know more of her. _

_Promise me, John, my boy, that you won't give up on happiness because of one mistake. I know you have your pride and you want to do what's right, but I tell you now, nothing could be more right than making good by that girl. Do what you must, but don't break your own heart and hers too over something that can be solved in time. Good things come to those who wait, and you have waited longer than most. _

By nature, he hadn't inherited his mother's positive outlook. Yet the sun was shining, and change was approaching. Something was changing in him, and Anna had nurtured it.

He straightened instinctively as she approached. His position was safe, and now he would ensure that the future was too.


	8. Lucky

_Lucky_

She was one of the lucky ones.

While most other women had sacrificed their husbands and sweethearts to the inevitable call of war, living their lives from hour to unendurable hour and never getting a moment's refrain from the torment of their thoughts and silent echo of imagined gunfire, her beloved faced no such danger. He was safe and sound and sat every evening by her side, his quiet and gentle smiles enough to assure her that no trouble existed in the world.

The passing of his mother was not a great shock yet it hit him hard; he became yet more reserved and thoughtful. As night air covered them she guided her fingers over the expanse of his hand, aligned in his grief. She wanted to be able to go with him, offering her support for every anguished step, but with more of the footmen departing to serve the country she was required more than ever. He told her that he would carry her compassion with him, and it would be his greatest comfort. _You are always with me_, he said, sending a surge to her heart as he covered his own. He wrote to her and his words seemed to be more hopeful than ever. So much had changed in these years, and yet to Anna it was though it had always been this way. It was only a short while, but she had never felt the pain of absence so strongly.

She could barely keep her excitement hidden, stiffening her shoulders to halt the widening of the smile on her face while she stood outside the house. She was simply overjoyed to witness his return. What he had to tell her made her think she was going to soar to the sky. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to give the rest of his life to her, much as she had always wanted to give him the same. She loved the feeling of being held in his embrace, his hands gently stroking her back, as much as she loved the exquisite press of his lips to hers. When she thought she could not possibly adore him any more, he spoke of a home and a family. She had never had to tell her dreams; he knew them all so well to begin with and he was at the centre of every one.

Dreams were fragile, as hearts were not unbreakable. Hers was ripped from her chest and shattered at her feet when he looked at her, the darkness casting a deeper shadow upon his face. She saw it in his eyes; she knew that he did not want to leave. She grasped at him yet he seemed to be slipping from her fingers. It was another enemy tearing them apart, a threat no longer hidden. Anna fought with every breath and promise she had, but it was not enough. The battle had been surrendered, and their life was the casualty.

Tears blinded her eyes as she watched him be taken, for good this time. She would cry herself into a fit, more than once, and it was some time afterwards that her head cleared enough for her to realise.

She knew what real love was, and that made her lucky still.


	9. Light at the End of the Tunnel

_Light at the End of the Tunnel_

He boarded the earliest train, not keen to stay in London for a second longer than he had to. Dusk was still lifting from the day, but in the distance there was a dark ember of a sun on the rise.

Life with Vera again had been a disaster, not that he did anything to make it easier. It seemed as though the hellish days and nights were a fitting punishment for the destruction he left in his wake, without so much as a glance back to see what he had done. He had acknowledged it every moment since, Anna's cries of anguish ringing through his mind and rendering him disgusted with himself. This had been what he had deserved for causing her – the one who was completely blameless in this mess – so much heartache. The banshee howled the house down when she had her fill of drink, which was every night she didn't spend away, her cackling adding to the jeers an imagined crowd hurled against his head. Her poison of choice was good for one thing; it made her fail to disguise the truth. She spoke in great detail of the other men she had been with – men who were not crippled, men who saw her beauty still. She fancied she made him jealous, in some twisted way; that she was enjoying the passion he was being denied elsewhere. He thought of Anna and felt ashamed at the brief stirring he felt inside. Their love was pure, it meant so much more – he would never sully her in such a wanton way, not even if she wished and pleaded it from him.

She hid his cane, laughing when he limped down the streets. He was used to such mockery. It was the moment her spite turned that signalled the final straw. She was unfit to breathe Anna's name and when she uttered those words in a cruel whisper, thinking perhaps he wouldn't hear, he knew he had to leave before he did something he would regret.

Anna remained his light in life. He imagined her at Downton – the place he so longed to be – with her brightness come back, filled with enthusiasm once more. He hoped that she was able to enjoy herself with the others. Half of him hoped that she had forgotten about him, was at least giving thought to loving again – loving someone who gave real meaning to the word. Someone who could give her joy and hope, and smiles without the fear of tears following swiftly afterwards. He knew her too well, and knew this would not be the case. The best he could hope was for her not to be grieving over him, a spectre of love long forsaken.

Leaving their 'home' would go some way to proving that the marriage was unsalvageable. He would work upon the rest; he knew a couple of people in London who he could trust. There were a few places he could look for work and lodging, not too far away. He sighed heavily, laughing at his own stupidity. How could he expect her to give up on him when she was the only thing that kept him on the straight road?

He knew that he didn't deserve her, but at the same time he could not abide life without her.


	10. Those Three Words

_Those Three Words_

As she got nearer to the house Anna tried to conceal the smile upon her face. It was not that it wouldn't have been a pleasant sight to see, but rather a puzzling one, given that she had not shown such genuine and heartfelt joy for months. She was still taking it all in, after the long bus journey back. She had seen him and spent time with him; he was no longer that fleeting glimpse she had spotted in the village or an illusion in her restless thoughts. Her hand had been held in his, the warmth of his lips pressed there to bid her farewell. When she took her seat, before she placed her gloves back on, she brushed the back against her cheek and over her mouth, already longing for more from him before the bus had even drove off. She smiled at him from the window, mouthing the words he had told her – more than once – back to him, knowing they were a firm bridge in the distance between them, which was much shorter now.

_I love you._

She had been angrier with him than she imagined she would be. Keeping all of her frustration tightly locked inside, she studied his gestures as she heard him out. She could not keep her eyes from him for too long. Part of her had resolved not to give in so easily; even if he had not meant to, he had torn fences down and they needed time to be rebuilt. Yet his presence was too much for her to resist, the spark of hope as well as something else recognised in his eyes. When he uttered the words she had so longed to hear – in a public place, no less – she was back to adoring him with her whole soul.

_However, whatever, whenever._

A surge shot through her, electricity tingling in her nerves. She had had the thought several times, and his admission had made her bold enough to voice it. He would not think less of her. She would do it for him. They needn't wait. A few weeks, a story that she had already crafted, and they could be gone. It might have been wrong in the eyes of others, but never to her. The only wrong was if they could not truly be together. When he had grasped her hand she held her breath, thinking this was finally it, that he would finally concede to all of their greatest wishes.

Time went too quickly, and he told her gently that she should make a move; he didn't want her to risk a reprimand in front of all of the others. She hardly cared, feeling that it was more of a trial to have to say goodbye to him once more. He felt the same, saying that he could be spared a few minutes to walk her outside. She told rather than asked him to come back, if only for a visit – though she hoped fervently for more. When he shook his head regretfully she made a final shot, repeating her offer from before. She knew the consequences of course, but she could only see the rewards.

Her heart was on an edge as she looked at him with wide eyes. The three words he returned were the sweetest she had heard in her life.

_"Be my wife."_


	11. The Summit of Joy

_The Summit of Joy_

"Miss O'Brien warned me that it wouldn't do get on the wrong side of him," John said in a hushed whisper, inwardly delighting in the way Anna's features crinkled as she stifled a burst of laughter at the comment. "I wasn't ever aware that there was a right side."

She shook her head, leaning further over so her side was nearly pressed against his. "How the pair of them can be so high and mighty when they do nothing but snipe…Thomas may have a rather flimsy excuse now, but as for her, hanging on to his coattails…"

He could see that she was getting increasingly worked up by the way her earlobes had begun to glow red, and he realised that absolutely nothing about her would ever fail to endear him wholly. Seeing her hand hanging by her side, perilously close to his, made his heart ache with longing even now; to be this close to her was not merely an impulse but a need, and sometimes he wondered whether it would ever be filled completely. He could still feel her slight frame moulded to his as they huddled against the cold the other night, her palms pressed firmly against his chest. If he wasn't already addicted to her touch, now there was no question about it.

While others passed out of sight, moving from the hall as the final preparations for the concert were made, John touched his palm to the small of her back, a gesture of reassurance that he would be with her for good and proper. The smile she fixed him with bowled him over; he'd never seen anyone so radiant. He couldn't help but be pleased when she arched subtly against his hand. How had he survived without her?

"Don't worry about them, they can't do anything," she uttered in a voice tinged with the slightest apprehension on his behalf.

"Oh, I'm not worried," he answered confidently, which he saw surprised her. "How could I ever be worried when I have you?"

Anna smiled wider, her blushes seeming down to an altogether different kind of emotion now.

Lady Edith had gone around the audience, making sure the officers were comfortable, before she took her seat at the piano. As she practised a few notes, John sung the familiar tune in his head while he kept his gaze on Anna, obviously caught up in the music as she started to sway a little on her heels and bobbed her head.

"When we have the time, I should take you to a music show," he was happy with her reaction as she turned to him once more, "or the pictures perhaps, if there is anything you would like to see."

"Why, Mr Bates, what's brought this on? You've been here five minutes and you want to get away again. Whatever will Mr Carson say?" she joked with a little giggle.

"I wouldn't go far, and you'd be by my side, which is the main thing." This time he turned and dared to take her hand for a few seconds. "You are my fiancée now, and I think we should celebrate that fact."

Her lips pursed before she smiled joyously. "I dare say we should, Mr Bates."


	12. Lost and Found

_Lost and Found _

After the initial shock had settled somewhat, everyone began to disperse from the hall with slow and dazed steps that betrayed the horror that was felt collectively. The servants began to traipse back to the far end of the house, headed for their respective quarters in their nightclothes. Anna and Mr Bates let the others pass before them, aware that Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson were still behind checking that all was well as it could be. They kept in pace with one another, Anna toying with the edge of her robe as she pulled it tighter around her.

"It's…it's just awful," she trembled, her face ashen as she turned it up towards him. "Our William." Her breath left her in a gasp. "And poor Mr Crawley." She was aware that the worst could very well happen, but it didn't bear thinking about.

"Nothing's certain in war. You learn that quickly." Shadows of memories that ought to be forgotten passed over his features, and then he looked at her again, wanting to be able to give her more comfort – to tell her that it would all be fine. "We must just hope for the worst of it to have been and gone."

She nodded, her eyes blinking as she tried to focus them upon the solidity of his frame.

"Maybe I should go downstairs. I don't think that I'll be able to go back to sleep tonight." She tried valiantly to swallow away the lump that was surfacing from the back of her throat thinking about William.

Mr Bates's look was full of concern and he reached a hand towards her, stroking the top of her arm maybe twice.

"You should try. I have a feeling we shall be leaned on more tomorrow." He smiled softly, just the right amount. She liked being reassured by him. "You'll be no use to anyone surviving on scraps of sleep."

The corner of his mouth quirked just perceptibly. She didn't believe that it was hoping now, not after everything, that he was the exception in that statement.

They were not far from the door and both lingered for a moment, simply gazing at one another. Anna shuffled closer, and before she could get up on her tiptoes she felt a flutter as Mr Bates bridged the distance and brushed his lips against hers. It had become their routine since becoming engaged to share a brief kiss before they departed, and this night she had had double, though she wished for a better reason for it.

He smiled at her before he went the opposite way, and she suddenly felt incredibly calm.

* * *

><p>The news had broken but an hour ago, and something within the hall broke along with it. Even though it had been inevitable, it seemed that none of them had really believed it would come to be – that perhaps there was one more miracle left to be had.<p>

Anna sobbed against Mr Bates's chest, her face pressing against him as he held and hushed her in the night, gathering her closer to him in the small space of the courtyard. He didn't say anything, aside from her name a few times over.

Right then, she did not care about anything other than his arms around her. His wife may come back with something else yet, but whatever it was, Anna refused to let it trouble her.

They had all lost one dear one tonight, and it was her intention to never let Mr Bates go.


	13. Salvation

_Salvation_

Anna tipped the little bowl of warm water down the sink, disposing of the wad of cotton wool, placing the lid back on the salve and letting out a small sigh in the empty kitchen as she did so. She had done her best to keep her spirits high since he had left for London; since he had received the telephone call from his lawyer with the damning news that the divorce proceedings had ground to a halt. There was no doubt in her mind that it was not over. Whatever had to be done, they would find a way. After he had allowed himself to be so positive, she hated to see Mr Bates – _John_, she corrected herself in her head – ground down once more.

She could not let it lie. Her concern was not so much for what had transpired – his few hushed words and the reddened cut by his eye were evidence of how dreadful it must have been – but for his wellbeing. Her heart ached to think it all would sink him further into despair with little way out. She waited until they were the last ones left in the hall, sorrow gathering as she observed him with his head hung down, not once looking at her. Even though she was aware of the reason, she mourned that he ignored her purposely.

As he let her back in, letting her tend to his wound with as much care and consideration as the nurses had tended to the now departed officers, he gradually began to speak. Nothing came as a surprise, sadly. Vera had been angry. He had allowed his temper to flare in turn but stopped before he was pushed too far, biting his tongue. Anna said she wished she had been there to offer a piece of her mind; he shook his head fiercely, wincing but not at her gentle touch. _It will take more than money_, he relayed what had been said. It would take more than what was in heaven and earth to stop them from being together, Anna countered confidently.

The intimate scene made her think of what Jane had raised when they had been sitting at the table just a few days ago. _A valet and a housemaid being wed_. Perhaps they would go down in the history books. The thought made Anna smile. She did not care about fame or the thoughts of others. All she wanted from life was to share it with the man she loved so deeply.

"Our parlour will probably be quarter the size of here," her flow was natural, and she caught his gaze, smiling a little bashfully. "We can sit down at night and rest for as long as we want. Make tea in the kitchen at all hours. I don't mind mending old rags if I have to. I want it to be wonderful for us."

She let out a little gasp as he tipped her head towards him, and relishing in his touch – realising just now that she had needed as much comfort as he had – she moved slightly, bringing her own fingers tentatively to his cheek. This time he welcomed her completely, sighing as she caressed his skin. He pressed a kiss into her palm, and it seemed a deeper promise than ever.

"It will be," he uttered with certainty. "The most wonderful thing I've ever known."


	14. The Better Deal

_The Better Deal_

John sat at the table, worrying over the waistcoat that was laid out before him. No matter how much of an effort he was making, nothing was shifting the stain marked just above the pocket. Putting the chalk back into the box defeated, he went back to being preoccupied with the thought that had remained on his mind ever since his Lordship had made the offhand remark. His common sense seemed to have deserted him in these months of endless bargaining, but now it seemed to slot into place. Another foolish decision he had made. He should have known that there was a quite different method to everything Vera said or asked. There wasn't anything definite that could link him to buying the poison, not that he could think of. Still, he wasn't sure that he could keep quiet entirely – the fact was tormenting him enough even now. _What a stupid man you are._

He lifted his gaze to find Anna rounding the table, taking her seat next to him. She tried to smile, but there was a cloud over her features preventing it. Unlike him, she did not keep her anxieties to herself for long.

"Sir Richard cornered me before." John's eyes flashed. "I told him that I wouldn't be going to Haxby with him and Lady Mary. But that wasn't his offer. He wanted me to spy on Lady Mary. Well, maybe not spy, but report on all of her actions. Who she saw, and what not."

"That sounds rather like spying to me."

Anna nodded, halfway between shock and sadness. "I've told Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson, and I ought to tell Lady Mary, I know. I'm just a little worried, in case she thinks bad of me."

John frowned. "She has no reason to. You're defending her, as any good servant should."

"I just wish that I could do more," she sighed, downcast. Her eyes shone with a faded glimmer as she looked to him, and she reached her hand over the table. "I'm sorry. You have enough to think about."

He swallowed, taking her palm into his. "Don't ever think you can't come to me with your troubles. I'll do whatever I can to make them go away, even if it's just listening."

She beamed a terrific smile, unaware of her own power to make him forget the shadows for a few peaceful moments.

"I hope that Lady Mary will come to her senses in time," she commented, gazing down at their entwined fingers forming a perfect circle. "Mr Crawley is out of the question, but there has to be someone better." Anna exhaled a breath and John found he was fascinated by this smallest of movements. "Still, I feel sorry that she should have second best."

"Many would say it's better than nothing," he remarked, regretting now the decision that had marred his life and chance for true happiness.

Her golden head lifted defiantly. "I told her it wouldn't do for me. It was you, or nobody. We might not have it easy, but I know that I have the better deal by far."

He wasn't sure that he could be deemed the best for anyone, and certainly not for someone so much higher than him as she was. Yet once more, it was her belief that made him not resign himself yet.

And for that reason, he smiled back.


	15. Not Just A Memory

_Not Just A Memory_

She remembered having the idea when she had gone along to try and halt Lady Sybil's elopement. Of course there would be too much to risk for them to go about it in that way, but it simply would not leave her head. Every day that passed was a step closer. There were registry offices, and all they needed was a free afternoon. Nobody was sure what the future would bring but she only knew she would be a part of his. She told him they would be married, and she would not take no for an answer.

She remembered the way her heart had taken flight from her chest when he informed her that he'd done as she had asked, and what's more it would be much sooner than she had hoped. She believed she might have been hearing things. She wanted to kiss him right there and then, sealing the promise upon their lips. He had set both of their dreams to coming true, and she smiled at him as she left the hall, wishing the time away.

She remembered the sorrow that had descended for poor Miss Swire, taken so quickly. It had made everyone quite dazed. They sat together, both contemplating how fortunate they were to have their health, to have one another. As she lamented he asked if perhaps she wanted to delay, and she thought maybe her answer that she wouldn't lie in her grave unless _Mrs Bates_ was on her tombstone might have made him troubled. Instead he took her hand and smiled, and they both knew life or any other great power could not stop them.

She remembered the butterflies she felt in her stomach when she followed him inside, the bouquet held in her hands and his look towards her. He had never looked so handsome to her, and it wasn't until they were standing there that she recognised he was wearing the suit he had been when he had arrived. Seven years ago, and it had led them here, pledging their vows and eternal devotion. Her beaming smile was reflected in his eyes, the love written upon him making her glow. They were husband and wife, together, at long last.

She remembered the slow kisses that were savoured as they stood in the room, being truly alone for the night. Her hands had trembled as she had started to undress him, and she felt her nerves begin to fade when he stilled them, his lips pressing reverently to her skin. It seemed they didn't leave her for a second and she had cried with the deepest joy when they became one. She loved the feeling of his fingers in her hair while his mouth was against hers, and she felt faintly embarrassed by the way she had let her inhibitions go as they loved each other once more. He had smiled through tears of adoration, cupping her face and telling her between kisses that he had never known such bliss.

She remembered never being so happy in her whole life.

She remembered having to restrain her happiness when they all had walked solemnly to the church, clouds hanging in the sky above. They managed to hold hands for a few moments, small moments which were no longer stolen without true right. Just knowing he was there – her _husband_ – was enough to sustain her. She remembered having to restrain herself from flinging her arms around him, pulling him back as the two men wanted to lead him away. They didn't know her strength, they didn't know how long they had fought to get here. The memory of their urgent kiss was on her lips as they trembled, hardly believing it had come to be so soon. The fight might have been numbed within her just for now but it had not disappeared, just as her heart hadn't yet ceased to beat.

He was her husband, everyone knew it now. He was her husband, and he would not just be a memory.


	16. The Last Time

_The Last Time_

Time had always been a precious commodity at Downton – back in a life that belonged to another man, almost a stranger to his mind. Now, as he languished in his solitary cell, the darkness not only surrounding him outside of his body, time was the only thing he possessed. The minutes and hours crawled by at an interminable pace, the yawning silence interrupted by shouts of other prisoners – and occasionally, the cold slam of the guillotine in the distance, a lurking reminder of a fate that was to be inescapable for the most unfortunate. John spent every second that he was able cradling the photograph of Anna – _his wife_, he reminded himself in the worst and the more tolerable times. Many a time the tears from his eyes fell upon the picture, and he wiped them as hastily as he could, not wanting to taint her any further.

He had been allowed no visitors in the first three months after his arrest, in all the time of questioning and evidence, and having to face the time without any sign of her but the vision that existed in his head was the hardest test. When she did come to see him he was so ecstatic for that half hour that he hardly noticed the dark shadows that lined her eyes, the grey pallor of her usually fair skin. The next time her deterioration was all he could envision. He did not spend time ruminating upon his innocence and the injustice of his case. That he had given her such an ordeal to contend was the greatest crime he could ever commit. Eight months apart, with not even three full days spent together as man and wife.

His trial was over, and the worst outcome had come to be. _Sentenced to death_, for having no part in a life being taken. Yet another life was on the brink; he had watched the light ebb away from her eyes as she was shocked into silence, his focused entirely upon hers as he was led back down. This would be her life sentence, one that she never should have bore and would forever be haunted by, long after he had gone.

Time could be measured in seconds and minutes now, the clocks that he couldn't hear ticking down towards the hour of his judgement. He had come to terms with it, at least on his own behalf, and he counted the hours until he was able to see her, for the last time. He had never placed a great deal of value on his life, not until she had brought so much into it.

He told her to forgive, even smiled when she vowed that she would have married him again in that very moment. His life held many regrets, but loving her could never be one of them. After he spoke up they had been allowed one more kiss and embrace. Neither thought of it as the final one. He knew that Anna believed in another life after this – a better one – and his belief in her gave him comfort. Still, as his head rested upon her shoulder, he couldn't bear to let go. _A few seconds more…_

Tears streamed down her cheeks as the door opened, the guard taking her by the arm and her roughly shrugging away. _No crying, my love_, he whispered, and she wiped her hands over her face, managing a glimmer of a smile which he returned.

Even though there were yet more to face, he took this as the final moment of his life.


End file.
